How to go Through Change and Life with more Ease

Posted by admin on July 5, 2010

Over the past ten years as an executive coach working with leaders in corporate and entrepreneurial settings.  I’ve had the opportunity to talk with hundreds of talented people about their aspirations and challenges. One of the most common requests I hear is a desire to feel less stressed and what some refer to as to have “balance.” People often describe “balance” as the ability to feel more grounded and secure in themselves and their decisions and actions. They also share that the more change they’re experiencing, whether it’s work related as in adapting to a new role, a new team, dealing with market shifts, and/or personal such as transitions in their relationships with spouses or partners, their children, and their health – the easier it is to lose this sense of balance.

What I’ve noticed is that when we’re out of balance, it becomes so easy to perceive the varying relationships we have – with our family members, our staff, our boss, our clients, as competing demands. These demands compete for our attention, our time and our ability to meet their expectations. When we’re out of balance, we tend to view ourselves as falling short on some level of meeting these expectations (especially us high achievers). What typically ensues is a spiral of self-criticism, anger at those close to us for not “getting” how overwhelmed we are and increased levels of stress and anxiety which often results in physical symptoms ranging from the less serious to more significant.

So how do you go through change and life with more ease – and a greater sense of balance – while still feeling good about your accomplishments? (I put that in again for all of us high achievers).  A few years ago, I became interested in this question and focused my doctoral research at Columbia University on how successful entrepreneurs learned to make the shift from corporate life to business ownership.

One interesting finding from the research was that although most described their experience of this significant work life transition as the painful experience outlined above – a select few referred to their change as “liberating” and “empowering.” A shared trait among those who experienced this transition positively was a fundamental belief in their own ability to be successful and faith in being connected to and supported by something greater than themselves. Some referred to this aspect greater than themselves as an entity such as “God” or “Spirit” and others emphasized principles or universal laws that they viewed as supportive and inspiring. They all continually drew on their relationship to this aspect greater than themselves to build their self-confidence and to sustain them as they took risks and faced challenges. They also reported that this aspect greater than themselves supported them in maintaining a greater sense of balance and higher levels of satisfaction with their success.

It has been my own experience personally as an entrepreneur striving to maintain balance and in observing my clients, that identifying your own beliefs which sustain and inspire you, and actively cultivating a relationship with this aspect of yourself – is the key to creating greater ease during change and feeling more confident in your decisions and actions.

Consider for yourself how you may more actively cultivate this relationship in your life to experience greater ease, joy, and balance.

Reflective Journal Activity:  Identifying your core beliefs that support and sustain you.

Find a comfortable private space where you will be uninterrupted for 30 minutes. Bring a journal or notebook and a writing instrument.

Bring to mind a time you took a risk or stepped out of your comfort zone. Write out a brief description of what happened, who was involved, and what you felt. Ask yourself, what were you really caring about in that moment? What inspired you to take that risk? What were you telling yourself at the time that supported you in taking that risk? Allow yourself to just write freely for a few minutes. Next, underline key words and themes that stand out to you. Now write out a few key belief statements that you see related to these words and themes. You may wish to return to this journal activity over the next few days as you further define some key beliefs that support you.

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Dr. Christina Luddy Colton